All That Was Lost
by MoonlitShadowsoftheHumanSoul
Summary: Balinor's thoughts on his life, his son, and everything else that he never knew.


**Author's Note: Yeah, I jumped on the bandwagon really later, joined the fandom two days ago...and I'm on Season 3! YAY! I love the show, and Merlin is by far my favorite character! I was watching the season 2 finale, and, well, this appeared.**

**I do have some multi-chapter Merlin fic ideas, so if you would go check out their summaries on my profile, and maybe vote on my poll, I'd be grateful.**

**And I'd be even more grateful for any reviews, negative or positive. Thanks and hope you enjoy this!**

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He had a son. A son. _His_ son. His and Hunith's._ All these years, and I never knew...damn you Pendragon! _Uther had murdered all his friends, his family, and made him imprison a dragon under false pretenses. Uther had even forced him to separate from the one thing he had left, the only woman he'd ever left. Balinor had though then _surely_ he had nothing left to lose. But no matter how much you thought you had lost, you always had something left that could cause you to suffer. And to Balinor, that was his son. Or rather, finding out all these years later he had one.

Seeing the man his son had become made him swell with pride and warmth, and at the same time he wanted to cry. His son had grown up to be a fine young man, and Balinor could not be more proud of Merlin or Hunith. Yet he wondered what he'd missed out on. What could have been if he'd only thought to check on her. Not for the first time, he cursed Uther Pendragon. _It's because of you I never knew of my son! I was never there to protect him and Hunith! I should have been there for them_. And it was because of Uther Pendragon, the man he loathed above all else, that he hadn't been.

The cruel, bitter irony of it all was that he was now healing Pendragon's son, the same son Merlin was serving._ In the end, we all wind up doing the Pendragons' bidding_. When Arthur had requested that Balinor aid Camelot, Balinor had been oh too happy to scoff in the younger Pendragon's face and say_ no_. _Let the Pendragons meet their doom, and may they suffer as much and more pain as I have. _Then Merlin had told him he was his son. That changed everything drastically.

Merlin had proven that he was his son, and all Balinor could think of was that he should have found some way to communicate with Hunith, and maybe...maybe things could have been different. But since he could not change the past, all he could do was try his best to make it up to his son. Even if it meant helping the hated Pendragons. The mere fact that Merlin, with all his talents and character, stayed in servitude to Arthur was a mystery. While Arthur was not as bad as his father, he was alike enough.

_Beware, my son, the Pendragons will always betray you in the end_. Though Balinor would be ready when they did this time, and he would protect his son as he should have from the moment Merlin was born. He only hoped he and Merlin could grow as close as father and son should be, and that Merlin would lead a happier life than he himself had led. One of those dreams was destroyed by reality the moment the sword pierced him.

It was far better death than he deserved, and he did not regret how it happened. He was dying the way he should have been living: protecting his son. The grief on his son's face warmed him: despite their short time together, his son_ loved_ him._ Hunith, you gave me a son I do not deserve_. And his son gave him love he did not deserve. He welcomed both gifts, however, and loved the givers even more than he thought imaginable.

So as he lay, drawing in his dying breath, he was at peace. His son could now save the home he loved so much from the Great Dragon, and knew what Uther Pendragon was truly capable of. Those were the best and only gifts he could give his son, and he could only hope and pray that they were enough. _Hunith, I am ready to see you again after all these years_.

He shed a single tear, for all that had been lost to him. And with that last thought and action Balinor's life came to an end.

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**Like it? Hate it? Please review and tell me. Thanks and hope you enjoyed!**


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